Did the Art life choose me?
Do we even have free will...?
I’ve always maintained the idea that my professional life should and would always revolve around art, in some shape or form. I’ve never thought otherwise because it seemed like the natural thing for me to do. Now, in the last year of my twenties, I am finally beginning to understand that my decision to pursue a career in the arts will always be a challenging pursuit. After I left school, I studied art in university and it seemed to me like the most exciting thing in the world, it felt like I had found what I was meant to be doing. I felt like I could fully realise who I was, with support from the people around me and focus my learning on the things that really interested me. I absolutely love art in all its forms, from performance to painting, to photography and writing. I’ve never wanted to do anything else with my time here on earth. However, the thing is, and the sad reality for most of us that to practice and make a living from art, not only does one have to be very, very, very lucky but one also has to have a steady stream of artistic production in the works to have a sustainable career. The conditions of one’s life need to be correct in order for an artist to become realised in their lifetime. Artist block is a very real thing which oftentimes prevents this from happening. The general idea is a block occurs when inspiration seems to have run dry, however it can also happen through road blocks, to put it plainly, when other life stuff gets in the way of art-making. Let’s say, for arguments sake that you are encouraged from a young age to pursue your passions, you are made feel as though you are allowed to pursue them, if that’s the case, you are more likely to end up doing everything deemed necessary to achieve what it is you deeply feel you must. On the other hand, if you were encouraged in the opposite direction from making art because of external pressures and to follow a more stable pursuit then, it is likely you won’t feel safe to follow those passions. And through this conditioning, attempting to follow them will create a great uncertainty and instability in your core. For if there are no support systems in place around you so you can firstly follow your creativity to express yourself freely, and secondly if you don’t have the financial backing to improve your skills or buy the materials you need to make your idea a reality, then it’s not very likely you’ll follow those pursuits. There are so many contributing factors as to why people don’t follow their creativity, because even if you do, there’s no guarantee that you will be—and I hate this word because it’s so contingent, so please forgive me for using it—successful. Success is the thing that most of us desire and chase in life, but success is not a one dimensional thing. There is no one-size-fits-all idea of success and it’s relative based on our individual experience of life. For some of us, success is simply getting out of bed in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other, for others its having a family and securing a mortgage on a house, for artists and performers out there it could mean something like winning the Turner Prize or an Oscar. These are mere examples that I feel like we can all understand but they do not even begin to describe all of the shades a “successful” life can take.
Recently, I find myself thinking about this stuff a lot because I feel like I’m standing at a cross-roads and I’m not really sure which turn to take. There are not many feelings in the world that ache more than confusion. Which brings me to my next point. Clarity. I often think about how incredible it would feel to be someone who has full clarity about what they want to do and where they want to go. I am not and have never been one of those people. I feel excited by so many things that it is has always been difficult for me to choose a path. I think a characteristic of people who are deemed to be successful in life is their unwavering sense of clarity. They know what they want and they go for it with every ounce of energy they have. This is how they can turn their dreams into reality, and once you know what you want, you begin to choose things that will bring you closer to that dream. I like to think that the world begins to open up around you like the flowers growing around the Forest Spirit’s feet in Studio Ghibli’s, Princess Mononoke, with every step letting you know your are on the right road, which is both terrifying and beautiful.
Footage from Studio Ghibli’s, Princess Mononoke (1997). Buena Vista Home Entertainment.
What I’ve come to realise is, it doesn’t matter how good or talented you are, or how much you love something, if you’re not actively pursuing it, it’s not going to happen. Recently, I’m having to rearrange the place of my passions. I’m edging more towards finding security and although it hurts to feel like in a way I’m giving up, I have to face the truth that maybe I never knew what I wanted in the first place. Or maybe, I’ve just hidden it from myself so much that it doesn’t want to be found. I really hate to end this in a melancholic tone, so I won’t. I think if something is truly for you, you will have no choice but to face up to it some day and do the thing that will forever nag at you for as long as you live. I saw a clip of Tommy Tiernan asking Pete Doherty, what does he owe his talent? He replied saying, he had, figuratively, paid all of his debts to his talent though songwriting. This profound question stayed with me and afterwards I thought, what do you owe your talent? Could it be hours upon hours of working on your talent to become the best you can at what you do, maybe or a quiet interest in the thing that defines you among the rest? I don’t think we should ever feel like we have to prove anything to anyone but ourselves. In truth, our potential should scare us (at least a little bit) and even though it is scary to try to do something that goes against all odds, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. And in doing so, by sharing your gift, you might light a fire in someone else to do the same for themselves. That’s how the cycle of inspiration continues.
Creativity does not stem from need, you are an artist! There is no shame in security. But you are an artist so art will find you. I think you’re successful - your ability to create is success enough. Personable as always, loved this.